He passed out mid-signature
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Drake has all the answers
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
