It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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