i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
