Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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