Dual....:-)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
