It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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