I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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