Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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