Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just found puke in my bra..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
