i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
