This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize