If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
