I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
