I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
