Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize