Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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