he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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