Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
