I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
