How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
