I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
