I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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