The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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