i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
