I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
