I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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