please come you make the beer taste better
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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