Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
