well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
