so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize