and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
