and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
