Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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