remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
