My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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