so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize