I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
