I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
