Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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