ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
