Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
