For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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