Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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