So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
