Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ugly people sure do ruin things
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
