Kiss
Puke
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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