and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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