i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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