Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I came so hard my ears popped.
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