whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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