Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
