Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We need a shit load of segways right now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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