I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
