A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
