highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
