i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize