The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
