Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
