I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
