He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
