i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YAS. BRING CRAB.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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