it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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