the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
