dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
