At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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