the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it's like iHOP with fire
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
