I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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