Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Bring me that man meat
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
