fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
