when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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