Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
