he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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