why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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